A Collection of Poorly Written Stories
by AidensRaven
Summary: Don't read if you are the type to be easily offended. Also note that this is a parody. That said: DuDE REED diS Stori, Raven is DARK, DARK like my sole.
1. BB n RAE 2GETHUR 4EVA

AN: WOO I LOVE THE TEEN TITANS!!!11! THEY RAWK!!!! BEAST BOY AND RAVEN 4EVA11!!

RAVEN BB 4 EVA

BY: bbnrae2gethur2009

AN: THIS STORY IS SEEE KEWL U'LL LUV IT!

Raven woke up one morning. She smiled, she was _soo_ in love. And with the most unlikely guy in the whole world Beast Boy!!1 (AN: I LUV YOU BB!!1) _Never mind that fact that on her best days she could barely tolerate his corny jokes and immaturity._

Raven walked in the kitchen of Titans Tower (AN: IS ThAt WAT ITZ CALLED?!!?) there he was, Beast Boy, the charming green elf who had wormed his way into the heart of the cold goth queen. She sighed. 'I can't believe I never realized that all the squabbling between Beast Boy and myself was in fact fourplay!?'

_Common sense did not matter when love came into play because of course opposites always attract. Never mind that psychologists have proven that when it comes to choosing partners in relationships opposites do not in fact attract. Forget the fact that Raven needs to control her emotions in order to keep her powers from blowing things up. In fact forget everything you know about Raven's personality and character history altogether._

"Rae do you want some Tofu eggs!?" Raven blushed furiously. Beast Boy had talked to _her_ it was unbelievably amazing, did he know how she felt about him? 'OMG BB is soo nice! How could she have not noticed him before?!'

"Rae? …Raven?... Dude RAVEN!!!!1" Raven snapped out of the trance that Beast Boy's high pitched voice had put her in and blushed again.

"Sure BB I'd love some tofu eggs." Raven giggled and felt her face _flush_. Beast Boy face falted. (AN: U KNOW WHEN THEY CRASH ON THE FLOOR? WATS DAT CALLED?! OH WELL KEEP ON READING.)

"You would!? DUDE! But you never eat my eggs! DUDE! This is amazing!" _Beast Boy says 'dude' every other second. This is an uncontested fact that all acknowledge to be true._

He turned to the table where the previously unmentioned Titans were sitting who all looked equally shocked. BB (AN: HIS NAME IS SOOOOO LONG 2 TYPE!!1 HEHE MY FINGURS R TIERD1!) hurried to serve Raven.__

"You know Raven, if I didn't know any better I would say that you've developed a crush on Beast Boy."

"A crush, what is, Robin-Friend?" _Starfire__ has suddenly developed a speech pattern based off of Yoda because of course all aliens talk like the small green one._

"Well Star, a crush is—"

"A CRUSH!! On Beast Boy!? How could I have a crush on him!? He is my previously undiscovered soul mate!! He and I will have many children together and we will live happily ever after." Raven clapped her hands over her mouth. "OMG I've said too much, now Beast Boy will never return my love! Perhaps I should throw myself off the roof, or maybe I'll start cutting myself!" _Because, of course, all Goths cut themselves.__ You can't be antisocial or depressed without having masochistic tendencies, it's a fact of life._

"Wait, Raven, NO I **do** love you. It is you who I thought could never love me in return for I am a hideous green elf many years younger and several inches shorter that you! I feel as if we are Romeo and Juliet star-crossed lovers never to be united as one!"

_Whenever you are dealing with issues of love **always** reference _Romeo and Juliet_ not only does it make one seem educated they are also the perfect example of true love and soul-mates. Ignore the fact that at the end they both kill themselves, it's still romantic._

"Really and for true?! Oh how lucky I am! Kiss me BB!" Raven throws herself at BB (AN: AWWW) and they kiss passionetly and there is toungue involved, and everyone looks on in aw. (AN: I'VE OBVIUSLY KISSED SOO MANY GUYS! THIS IS HOW IT ALWAYS IS WITH ME AND MY 11 YR OLD BF!)

"You go dawg, hit that, BOOYAH" _This is Cyborg's obligatory line. Notice the slang and 'hip' lingo, all bla—African-American teenagers talk like this regardless of their education background or even if they like rap music. Never mind that fact that Cyborg's parents were influential research scientists who made sure their son was well-educated in addition to his having an I.Q. of 170. _

AN: WELL THAT'S MY STORI!! PlEAZZZZ RR PLeaZZZ!!! I WONT RIGHT NO MORE UNLESS I GET fiv Revuws!

_Please note that the category of this story is in fact parody, flame away if you so choose but do not flame me for what is intentionally a parody of bad plots and poorly educated authors. Also note that none of the authors mentioned are real at the time that I write and post this story, I have cross-checked the names on the database. This is not an attack on particular authors but a more general attack on what seem to be reoccurring bad habits in many stories on this website and in this category in particular._

_Also the 'author' commentary spread throughout the story is _part_ of the story, so I would appreciate it if it wasn't reported because this story fully meets the requirements of ff.n_

__


	2. She's not a MarySue!

The Boy Wonder Meats His Match!

brought to you by

Robinzgal42nite

Disclaimer: (Insert something completely not funny about how the author does not own the Teen Titans here.)

A/N: I LUBB Robin!!! He's like the best charater eva, he totally kicks every1z a$$! This is a story abot him and the lub of his life. She's not a mary-sue so don't flame! Flames r like soo mean! This is my first fic so b nice, k? Awlrighty then let's get it started

Robin's R-Cycle raced down the streets of Jump City. (A/N: that motorcycle is the bomb!) He didn't wear a helmet this time, he was good enough to ride without one.

A squirrel jumped in front of his bike and Robin, not wanting to hit it (A/N: cuz that wud b mean!) he swerved and smashed into a wall with a large "CRRRUUUNCCH" sound.

Robin groaned with pain. "OWWWWWIE" And then he blacked-out. (A/N: u know, unconshus?(SPELLING??))

When he woke up he was surprisingly not in pain. But he was topless with large thick bandages wrapped around his chest. "Wh-What happened?"

"You totally wrecked your bike, Dude. Saw you wipe out and thought that maybe I could help." But Robin was not listening he was enraptured by the grills beauty. She had almond-shaped eyes a shade of lavender he had ever seen before, a smooth complexion a sun kissed shade of olive. Her hair was a shimmering gold that touched her waist. He was sure it would swish back and forth as she walked capturing all who saw her under it's' spell. She wore simple jeans and a baby-tee they clung to her figure (A/N: But kewl ones like JoJo or Hilary Duff would ware) She was petite a couple inches shorter than himself—the perfect height for bending slightly and perhaps gently kis--- what was he thinking!?

What was wrong with him? He was Robin the Boy Wonder leader of the Teen Titans he had been trained extensively by Batman, he was not one to e swayed by a pretty, gorgeous, beautiful face. It just wasn't done

"My name is Meadow Lark, you're Robin, right?"

Ripped once more from his musings on the strange girls beauty Robin forced himself to extend his hand and clasp hers firmly with it, he held on to it perhaps a second more than was polite.

"Yeah I'm Robin, and thanks for all your help Dove. Whatever you did I feel 110 better."

"Really? Good enough to spar with me as a favor? I'd really love to cross swords, so to speak, with you."

"Sure, why not" I'd do anything to be close to you "where do you usually spar Meadow Lark?"

"Oh, just call me Lark, it's less of a mouthful.. My dad was fairly rich and when I got into Kung Fu he built me a room just for training myself"

"Was? Is he--?"

"Yeah." Lark paused and wiped a crystalline tear from her beautiful eyes. "  
He and my mother and my little brothers and my twin sister and my cousin and my uncle and my nana were all killed by a mysterious stranger while I was made to watch! I didn't help them and now they're all dead thanks to me." Sobbing she flung herself into Robin's arms and continued to cry. "I'm all alone now in this huge mansion with nothing but this money for company. Oh but I'd burn It all if I could only have my family back! I'd even give up all my powers!"

"Shh Lark it's ok. It's going to be alright. It wasn't your fault, here was nothing you could do." He stroked her hair softly . Lark reluctantly pushed him away.

"Thanks Robin-"

"You can call me Rich, it's my real name." (A/N: I'm not typing D--k)

"Thanks…Rich…but don't think you're going to get out of sparring with me.

"I'd never dream of it."

5 hours later! (A/N: I can't right fite seems so use your imagination, all u need to know is she kicked his cute but! )

"Wow Lark, you're really good, you're even better than me! I can't believe how bad you kicked my a$$!"

"Don't play Richie, I know you were holding back."

"I really wasn't, you should join the Teen Titans!! You'd be a great addition to the team. Birds of a feather and all that. Besides I'd" He paused unsure if he should do what he was about to do "really like it if you joined" And with that he captured her mouth in his own. It was…indescribable. Like the fourth of July, Christmas, your birthday, Halloween, Yom Kippur, Hanukkah, kwanza, Easter, the winter and summer solstice, and new years all at once!

"I think I could flock with you, Richie"

It was official Robin was in love. (A/N: AWWWWW)

A/N: How was it? Did it rock? Tell me so! R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R PLEASE!!!! I won't continue until I get 10 revuws!

_A/N: An attack on Mary-Sues, annoying _almost_ expletives, and lame disclaimers. I think I'll probably revisit this situation in a later chapter if people want but for right now this was all I could stomach to write. Thanks for you input and TT Darby I hope you like the 'pop reference'_


	3. Song Fics!

American Idiot

By SonguzRooel9987

Disclaimer: I don't own TT or GD!

AN: I herd this song and thought how kawai it would be if Star sung it.

Starfire was singing a most pleasing song. She had heard it in Friend Raven's room the previous night while they were performing the ritual of 'speaking of the womens'. It was a most amusing song with an agreeable rhythm.

Star bobbed her head as she sung to herself.

**Don't want to be an American idiot.  
Don't want a nation that under the new media.  
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?  
The subliminal mindfuck America.**

She couldn't understand why Raven had been so quiet when she had started to sing the song but she would not let it trouble her there were many things about her friend that continued to puzzle her. All Starfire knew was that she would take up Friend Raven's suggestion to sing the song as much and as loud as possible.

**Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.  
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.  
Well that's enough to argue.**

On her way to the kitchen Starfire passed Beast Boy and Cyborg who were engaged in their favorite pastime of playing the gamingstation. Their loud jubilant yelling and exultations quieted as they heard the lyrics to Starfire's song and recognized them.

"Uh, Star, maybe you want to come and sit with us and play the GameStation? It'd be really fun and there are plenty of _new_ songs for you to learn to sing, how 'bout it?"

"No thank you, Friend Cyborg. But if you would direct me to the last place you saw Friend Robin I would be most appreciative."

"Sure Star, last time I saw Robin he was talking to Mayor Hayden in the Control Room."

"Thank you dear friends. I shall take my leave and see you all another time." Starfire left the room giddy with rapturous joy. 'Now, where did I leave off...?'

"Alien nation...ah yes."

**Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.**

"What the hell did you tell her that for, BB?! Robin's going to flip when he hears her!"

"I know dude! That's the best part; come on pull up the cameras I'll get the popcorn and drinks this should be a good show." Beast Boy shifted into a cheetah and hauled ass over to the kitchen.

Cyborg shook his head and pulled up the cameras from the Control Room. As long as Robin didn't find out _who_ had told Starfire where to go he didn't have a problem with enjoying the Boy Wonder's suffering.

**We're not the ones who're meant to follow.  
Well that's enough to argue.**

Approaching the Control Room Starfire raised her voice. Robin always appreciated it when she sang. He had told her so on numerous occasions.

**Well maybe I'm the faggot America.  
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.  
Now everybody do the propaganda.  
And sing along in the age of paranoia.**

In the Control Room Robin was conversing with the Mayor via the large video screen. His eyes grew large behind his mask. He had first heard Starfire's voice loudly singing, and then he had heard the actually lyrics and the firmer than usual set of the Mayor's jaw informed Robin that the other man had as well.

**Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.  
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.  
Well that's enough to argue.**

'When on Earth was Star going to actually make it to the control room? What was she doing, walking as slowly as possible to prolong my suffering?'

**Don't want to be an American idiot.  
One nation controlled by the media.  
Information age of hysteria.  
It's going out to idiot America.**

Robin almost breathed a sigh of relief. He was pretty sure that the song was coming to a close but still he had to get out there and stop Star's singing before he could even think about playing kissass with the Mayor for damage control.

"Mayor Hayden, if you would excuse me for a moment. I have to have a talk with a _guest_ at the Tower"

"Indeed." The gruff man grunted as Robin left the room. 'Thank God he bought it; maybe this won't be so bad after all.'

**Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.  
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.  
Well that's enough to argue.**

Star finished her song as she rounded the last corridor and saw Robin coming her way.

"Friend Robin was my song not most joyous!?"

"No Star, actually it wasn't." Starfire's lower lip began to tremble and Robin was quick to begin backpedaling "You're singing was very good as usual Star it's just that that particular song _isn't_ all that good."

Starfire was not appeased. "I do not understand, Robin. Friend Raven didn't say there was anything wrong with the song. Was she incorrect?"

'Raven!? Oh she would pay. Oh how she would pay.'

"Yes Star, Raven was wrong. I'll have a talk with her about it later. How about you come with me while I finish with the Mayor and then you and I will take everyone else out for pizza?"

"That is most agreeable Robin! I am in a state of hunger most fierce so let us make haste!"

Robin was once again standing in front of the Mayor trying to finish the conversation as quickly as possible. He heard Star's feet tapping impatiently in the background and knew she was quickly becoming bored.

"...and that is everything, Mayor. Thank you for your time."

"Thank you Robin. You and your Titans are a model for today's youth—"

The Mayor cut himself off; distracted by loud humming...it was Starfire.

".......Hmm hmm hmmmm hmmm **Fuck America**!"

Robin sweatdropped. It was going to be a long day after all.

AN: Poor Roby-poo! How mean are Raven n BB? See they belong together!

Anywayz R&R PleaSE!!

_A/N: I really have nothing against songfics. I have read some that were really good and blended in seamlessly with the story, but I have also read one too many that were either horrible or the song was something completely out of character for the character to either be singing or listening to._

_Next chapter I attack the overly Goth and depressed portrayals of Raven._


	4. Apox o'er your house!

Raven Plays Games With the Titans  
  
by: LifeBitesRavensBallz  
  
"Rae truth or dare?"  
  
"I will choose truth if only to unburden my soul of the oppressing darkness that threatens to consume me at every turn."  
  
"..."   
  
"Friend Raven I have chosen a question most revealing and invasive! What is your pigment most favorite?"  
  
"There are three colors that have chosen me, they all equally embody the suffering and spiritual death that I experience daily. Purple, blue, and black are the colors of my bruised soul that is tormented to the point of agony that I must suffer in silence as penance for my sins."  
  
"Most wonderful! I also enjoy the color purple!"  
  
"Er, yeah...well anyway, it's your turn to ask Beast Boy Raven."  
  
"As you wish. Beast Boy, truth or dare?"  
  
"Bring on the dares Rae! I am the Dare Master!!"  
  
"Fine. I dare you to throw yourself off the roof of the Tower and impale yourself on the jagged rocks below. And if by some miracle you survive the fall and it's sudden stop, drag your body in the waters of the bay and lay stagnant in the water until something unpleasant comes to pick at your tender flesh and eats your entrails inch by inch while you are still conscious of the excruciating pain."   
  
"How about we try scrabble?"   
  
-----------------------------------------------------   
  
"M-U-S-T-A-R-D mustard!"  
  
"Good job Star. OK now lets see...off your 'M' M-A-R-T-I-A-L martial as in martial arts." Robin hesitated. Did he really want to tell Raven it was her turn? Nope. Not just yet.  
  
"Beast Boy it is your turn."  
  
"Off Starfire's 'S' A-N-U-S anus! Haha!"  
  
"You are so juvenile, inner turmoil and suffering would cure you of that problem Beast Boy."  
  
"Eh...no thanks Raven I'll pass."  
  
"Your loss."  
  
"Cyborg?"   
  
"U-R plus Beast Boy's anus gives me Uranus!"  
  
"Hhahaha good one dude!"  
  
Robin sighed. _Here we go again_, "Raven, your turn."  
  
"Off Cyborg's 'S' S-U-I-C-I-D-E suicide."  
  
Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Robin sweatdropped.  
  
"Maybe hangman would be a better choice..."  
  
Later that evening after having words such as 'Defenestration', 'Eviscerate', 'Lament', and 'Turmoil' the others had completely given up on incorporating Raven in on any of their games. Raven sat on the roof of Titans Tower under a dark and threatening storm cloud pondering the futility of her existence and the general suckiness of life.  
  
'My existence is so futile. There is no point to anything that I do. I suffer and suffer and no one cares. Woe is me. Woe.'  
  
"Raven you want to go out with the rest of us? We're going to the mall and maybe out for dinner later. You can even choose."   
  
'It's Robin again... When will they realize that I am dark and tormented? When will I cease to suffer so?'  
  
"I think not."  
  
"Alright then. We'll be back later this evening." Robin turned to leave before a thought seemed to strike him. "Hey, you might want to leave before that storm actually hits us. I saw the weather report and its supposed to be a doozy."  
  
Raven merely grunted. She was too absorbed wondering how many puppies, kittens, and small children one had to kill before they earned the type of karma she had.

A scant half hour later the rain had started and it showed no sign of letting up anytime soon. Raven was soaked to the bone and her powder and mascara had been washed off leaving black trails down her eyes. The black liquid streaming down her face gave her the appearance of crying black tears.

Unfortunately for our intrepid, if sometime depressed, heroin Raven failed to notice the flashes of lightning inching closer and closer to her position on the roof until a bolt struck her.

The stench of burned flesh filled the air as Raven slowly fumbled for her communicator which was thankfully unharmed during the blast.

"This is Raven, as I was contemplating my abysmal karma on the roof I was struck by a bolt of lightning as if God himself had decided I should no longer taint the world with my existence and endeavored to smite me off the face of the planet. If anyone cares I am in need of assistan--" Raven stopped abruptly. She had died.

In a tragic confirmation of all that Raven had believed to be true, she wasn't mourned for long before the rest of the Titans sold her stuff on E-Bay and found a new member to take her room.

Her existence had indeed been futile and insignificant.

AN:/ Poor Raven, her existence is like mine. Unimportant and insignificant. Review or not, I don't particularly care. Reviews do not fill the gaping void in my life.

_A/N: This actually started out as one of the sappy, grossly out-of-character Truth or Dare slumber parties that people seem to _love _to write but I got sidetracked by inspiration. I love depressed, angst-filled, and abused Raven as much as the next person. It's just that sometimes it is done _way_ over the top. _

_On another note I've lost the hard copies of all my work, I usually write everything out before I type it, so whatever plans I had for my stories has been basically shot to hell. _


End file.
